Monolithic Binary Jesters Insulate the Star Chop-Chairs.

Is it a coincidence that my nick (minus z) means this? Look under the Japanese definition.

I think i'm a melodramatic, reflective, nostalgic bastard. You guys think so too.

I saw Mean Girls wif Quek and Jas. I feel Lindsay Lohan's boobs are too big. But she's teh hot all right. The movie was also full of crap, i laughed from my soul today, rather than making sour lame jokes.
I wanted to go home early. I wasn't in the mood for talking, i wasn't in the mood for anything. I wanted to go home to talk to Cynthia.

Go home, we got to talk for only half an hr. She wasn't really in the mood for talking on the fone, and i wasn't in the mood to get her in the mood to talk over the fone. To think i could have talked with Jas and Quek abt so much if i was willing to open my fucking mouth, but all i was thinking abt was Her Her Her. I went back straight to my hse sumore, i forgo Popo's dinner. To have a lousy conversation, and to wait in anticipation for her call, when she was talking to Cleo. She sees Cleo in sch all day lor. Wad the fuck talking to me so hard arh.
Sumore she keep on dunwan me meet her, she last time also go out wif me is cos "I feel very bad leh, pang seh him so many times." quoted by her.You so busy can tell me rite? You can sms me when you going to bed rite? so i can at least say good nite to you WHEN UR AWAKE NOT WHEN UR ASLEEP? I am sending sms to you and half the time you're not replying me. I'm asking you out ALL THE TIME and you say dunwan 3/4 of the time. I understand you say you dunwan to 'explode the landmine' of your parents, but that was like 3 weeks ago? Then there's the fucking nagging worm called JEALOUSY. i'm JEALOUS of the fuckers in her class, who see her everyday and have fun wif her everyday. I'm jealous of the fuckers she plays bball with, and are so gam wif her. Why she reject that Chung Cheng guy that stays near her for me? I really dunt know why. But my stupid mind keeps on saying "Suzhen influence her". 

I admit it now. My relationship with Cynthia is not going smoothly. Yea yea giv me that crap about every relationship has its ups and downs, but WHAT THE FUCK, this is MY relationship. I care so much abt others, but now, when i finally feel that this relationship is worth the time and effort, I'm faced with this.

Suzhen may say, "It may be me who help, but all the jio-ing is done by youself wad." But i still dunt know larh.

I said to Ju that i'll always be the one giving in. I do that now, in seemingly every little thing. I ask myself now, "Is it worth it?" And i shall say now, "Yes it fucking is. Remember how Ju helped you? For her sake, be a nice guy. In the face of problems, do not change your principles." I shall continue to grit my teeth and give in to her.

The super realistic and pessimistic bastard in me burns me by saying," Wah lan eh, she's only 14 lei, how she will understand this stuff one?"

And I sigh. I am resigned to this. I am resigned to the hard, foolish path i chose for myself. But i will push on.

I not going overseas cos I dun't want to leave overseas and waste 2 or 3 valuable years without her. I'm in poly liao, i'm growing old liao, there's no time in life liao, canot waste time. That means i need to do extremely well in my poly studies. Oh God, is this worth it?

Its worth it. 

Pua cheebye i sound like a fucking moron/lamer/old-fashioned bastard.

But be realistic abit, after Poly, i go NS and U. Where got time to enjoy wif her?

I am really very paranoid that a hansem guy will whisk her away.

Sec 2, 3, and 4 are the most happiest days I have experienced in my life. I want Cynthia to experience the same thing.

If i with her, i demand so much of her time. I stifle her fun. I think i am making BGR a chore. I think she'll be happier if all that feelings we had towards each other were left unsaid.

But now stead le. 3 months le. How? Should i pull myself together and grit my teeth, or shld i give it all up?

Is it worth it?

I really dunno how larh.

Is Suzhen making Cynthia feel more than what she actually really feels towards me?  

Its really very hard to dig into Cynthia to find out her feelings. My brain really want to explode....................

On another unrelated note, i have the answer as to why i got so little guy friends. Guy friends have a few steady ones i feel is enough liao.

I duno 2ml i wait for Cynthia to call or reply me. Or whether i shld call her.

I tired le lah.... i really want to giv up and be a nerd liao... no girls, no frens, juz me, my books, and pr0n.

Lol. joking. But you fuckers will suan me abt the above sentence anyway... so there.

Anyway... This fucking blogpost let me complain so much liao. I oso got a chance to type out all my thoughts ( or at least some lah, i got some thoughts blur blur one). Thus i oso sort out my thoughts lah... at least somehow... haha...

I am lame shit lah... where has the reasoning Quek taught me gone to??????????????????????????? Last time everything seems so simple. Now.... everything is unsure..........

It doesnt help that peer influence has started to make me sound like a fucking gay. stupid fucking ryan, sounds like a cheebye gay, sing britney spears songs so fucking irritating cheebye go get a life idiot, and cut off ur fucking cock so i can stick in up ur ass. I dunt care how readily you defend yourself, you're still GAY.

I put up with gayish-ness, with Chuan long's eliticism. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.

Da jie Jeannette.............. haiz.......... i will smile and shrug it off.... i will smile... i will smile 2molo.... i will smile.... i will laugh............ i will crack lame jokes..... i will be the crapper. i will be JChou, the bhb lame ass who has a crooked smile to match his crooked glasses.

I am pathetic.

Let me see the light of day........ like last time....... now stress is cracking me.... i muz carry on... canot juz shut off and bo chap Cynthia, or my studies. kkk i wont repeat my mistakes.